Stayin' Classy

More Cowbell, Baby!

2005-12-27T07:27:00.000-08:00

Alan: [ grabs Gene's shirt ] Don't blow this for us, Gene!
Bobby: [ cracks up ] Yeah, quit being so selfish, Gene!
Gene Frenkle: Can I just say one thing?
Bruce Dickinson: Say it, baby. Say it.
Gene Frenkle: I'm standing here, staring at Bruce Dickinson!
Bruce Dickinson: The cock of the walk, baby!
Gene Frenkle: And if Bruce Dickinson wants more cowbell, we should probably give him more cowbell!
Bruce Dickinson: Say it, baby!
Gene Frenkle: And, Bobby, you are right - I am being selfish. But the last time I checked, we don't have a whole lot of songs that feature the cowbell.
Bruce Dickinson: I gotta have more cowbell, baby!
Gene Frenkle: ..and I'll be doing myself a disservice -- [begins to slightly laugh. Jimmy Fallon turns away and bites down on his drumstick to keep from laughing] -- and every member in this band, if I don't perform the hell out of this.
Bruce Dickinson: Guess what? I got a fever! And the only prescription.. is more cowbell!

Awww Yeah!

2005-12-27T07:17:00.000-08:00

LeVon: It's that time.
Barry: Aw, you know it's that time.
LeVon: I'm Le Von.
Barry: And I'm Barry, Sagittarius.
LeVon: And it's time, it's time for two-hundred
Barry: and forty dollars
LeVon: worth of puddin'.
Barry: worth of puddin'.
LeVon: Aw yeah, Mr. Bouche, come on in here, and let's get a shot of this puddin'.
Barry: Now that is the kind of puddin' that only two-hundred forty dollars can buy.
LeVon: Aw yeah. We had the two-forty
Barry: (praying hands) we had to have the puddin'.
LeVon: Aw yeah. Now we could have bought, a hundred dollars worth of puddin'
Barry: (huge eyes) And that would have been, a lot of puddin'.
LeVon: Aw yeah, but we had to go all the way, baby.
Barry: All the way home.
LeVon: Uh huh. With two-hundred
Barry: and forty dollars
LeVon: worth of puddin'.
Barry: worth of puddin'.
LeVon: Aw yeah.
Barry: Now I know what you're thinkin' LeVon: "Barry and Le Von, where did you get two-hundred and forty dollars?"
Barry: (shake head and put finger to mouth) Shhhhhh.
LeVon: Aw yeah.

Selander's Cousin Sends Controversial Christmas Card

2005-12-23T08:38:00.000-08:00

Brian Selander and his wife Carla shocked the entire Selander clan this week by sending out the risque Christmas card posted to the right. Family spokesperson Tim Selander complained, "Why does Brian always have to show Carla off like some kind of trophy? On top of that, we've been trying to put our "Confederate South" family image behind us for years and he goes and does this." The entire family seems relieved that the couple won't be joining them in Minnesota this year for holiday celebrations. Tim commented with a steadily shaking head, "After Uncle Jerry caught Carla popping a squat on the front porch after getting drunk last year, we all made it clear that they weren't welcome back. God, I can see why the South lost the Civil War, if you had your choice to die o go back home to something like Carla, what would you pick?"
Brian Selander could not be reached for comment as family members informed us at Stayin' Classy they have no electricity in their mobile home.

Shackton Announces Run For U.S. Senate

2005-12-23T07:32:00.000-08:00

Phillip Jerome Shackton, disillusioned with the way business is being done in Washington, last night at 11:00 PM at Will's Northwoods Tavern in Chicago, IL announced to Ben Campbell and Brad Kozik that he would be running for the U.S. Senate in 2006. Details of his candidacy were laid out via voicemail to many of his friends after midnight, but it was not clear exactly what Shackton was saying in any of the messages. What is clear is that the platform will somehow include the resurrection of the Milwaukee Brewers franchise and a central campaign theme titled "Comin' On Yeah!" as his main message. This was Shackton's first public announcement, ever and pundits across the nation are questioning his qualifications while inquiring as to where he plans to run. Since he has spent the majority of his life in Wisconsin, most experts have concluded that he will be leaving Chicago and moving back in w/ his parents in Mukwanago to gain eligibility to run on the Republican ticket versus Herb Kohl.
After placing a phone call to Shackton's roommate, Ben Greene, it became apparent that perhaps Shackton would not even remember making the announcement after he finally gets up this morning. Greene commented, "Phil was really fucked up when he got home last night, he was talking about these beautiful babies he had lined up and something about running for Senate, but i'm pretty sure once I let him know what he announced, he'll be really confused and pull out of the race immediately."
A phone interview with a Herb Kohl staffer revealed little concern about the upstart contender. The staffer commented, "From what we know, Phil Shackton has never held public office, made a public speech, or been a member of any political party. All we could learn was that he appears to be an ardent supporter of Milwaukee professional sports franchises and cheap vodka."
Stayin' Classy has left several messages w/ Shackton's cell phone but close associates confided to us that he rarely returns calls on the weekends before 3 or 4 in the afternoon.
It looks to us like the Shackton Senate run in 2006 will go down as one of the shortest in history and may be linked to the fact that Phil was drinking when he decided to announce his candidacy.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

2005-12-23T07:19:00.000-08:00

All of us here at Stayin' Classy want to extend Happy Holiday wishes to all of our loyal readers. Its been quite a ride in 2005 all culminating with the New Years Eve bash in Milwaukee at the Presidential Suite in the Pfister and Three Lounge next door. I always find this night to be one of the more difficult ones as far as living up to the title of this very blog. Beautiful women, flowing libations, and luxury accomodations are often the components of what can result in a very sloppy or very hedonistic evening. A mini-poll posted on my good friend Justin Hein's "Citizen Dain" blog as to my predicted whereabouts at New Years Eve's end seems to place me on the bathroom floor at Three Lounge. I either hope that doesn't happen or that they have really clean floors in the bathroom at Three.

Packers vs. Viqueens

2005-11-18T11:33:00.000-08:00

I really hate the Minnesota Vikings and its not because they are classless, perverts (although we here at Stayin' Classy strongly condemn those negative attributes). Its because they have players like Darren Sharper on their team. This week Sharper has tried to "plant the seed" in the media that the Pack regrets or should regret letting him go. I just want to personally let Darren know two important facts:

Fact 1: You just completely sucked the last 2 years you played in Green Bay.
Fact 2: We were happy to see you go and we're thrilled that you're never coming back.

Something tells me it won't be many more games before Minnesota fans are also going to be wishing he just stayed out on the lake with the hookers permanently.

Prediction: Pack by 10 Monday night.

Bucks Look Like Contenders

2005-11-18T11:18:00.000-08:00

As I predicted, the Bucks have come out of the gates at a Jack Sikma-like pace. Its time to be bold and take a chance right here at Stayin' Classy and predict that the Bucks will be 2005-06 Eastern Conference Champions. You heard it here first. We are solid and have a nice mix of youth and experience. If Magloire can get his field goal % up over 35 I think we'll definitely make a run. We all know no one wants to go up against Swirvin' Irvin Johnson in the playoffs. Detroit won't be able to stop our offense and Miami doesn't match up well against us. Print the t-shirts and embroider the commemorative hats......the Bucks are headed to the NBA finals.

Furhmann To Offer Seminar

2005-11-17T13:22:00.000-08:00

Renowned real estate broker and condo salesman Cory Fuhrmann will be delivering a seminar at the Copper Springs Motel next Wednesday night in Reedsburg. The seminar, titled "It Only Takes One", will chronicle Furmann's start in the business of selling condos and how 2 years later he almost sold one. He will also highlight how, for no money down, you can convince just about anyone to pay you a salary for absolutely zero production in your position for years on end. Sure to be a real crowd pleaser, tickets are just $10 and 12 ounce cans of Mountain Creek will be provided. Pre-registration will start on Monday and go through Tuesday at 5pm at the Copper Springs Motel rental office. Upon registering you will be provided a packet outlining several of the key points Furhmann plans to touch on during the presentation and information on Cory's soon to be released instructional tapes "You Don't Have to Acutally Sell.....Just Make Sure You've Got A Good Base Salary". If you do not register, walk ups are welcome, but on a BYOB basis only. Space is limited to however many people room 402 can hold, so don't be the one left with the seat on the toilet in the bathroom, register today!

Brian Steel Promoted

2005-11-08T13:58:00.000-08:00

Congratulations go out to Brian Jeffrey Steel who was promoted today from Junion Teller to Lead Teller To Customers Unders 5 Feet Tall over at the local bank. While this title is long and complex I asked Brian what it all really means. He stated "This really gives me a chance to service Madison's growing Elfin population by helping them with all their deposits and withdrawals." When asked if he was excited about the new position Steel excitedly proclaimed "Heck yeah, there are a few shorties working at the cracker plant over on the East Side i'd like to get my hands on, and now that i'm cashin' the paychecks i'll really know which ones are rollin' in the dough". Steel went on to reveal "I won't have to wait out back at the fudge factory anymore for the late shift to get over to get some action. There's nothing worse than a fat elf reaking of hot fudge." Well Brian, we here at Stayin' Classy we couldn't agree more so congratulations and good luck.

I Got Robbed

2005-11-08T13:31:00.000-08:00

My car got broken into early Sunday morning. The perp smashed my passenger side window and made off with some change. What he left me with was a $200 bill to replace my window from Auto Glass Specialists here in Madison. It feels great to get robbed by a crack head stranger and then take it from behind from the "guys in the little red trucks" all in the same day. The worst part is I was forced to file my police report over the phone to a voicemail recorder. I was informed that no police were going to come check out the scene but that they would mail me a form to fill out. Thanks alot a-holes, with all those parking tickets to issue I can see why they don't have the time. Upon calling the Madison Police department to air my grievances, I asked what was stopping me or anyone else in town from breaking into random cars. The response from the brilliant guy on the other end of the line was "nothing". So then I called the mayor's office and left another message. And to nobody's surprise, they haven't called back. So, i'm out 200 bucks and I go home each night and curl up in the corner of my shower hoping to wash the violated feeling I live with each day since down the drain. All I have to show for it is dry skin and a rediculous monthly water bill. My advice for local children who want to have it all in Madison: Smoke crack, steal cars, and work for Auto Glass Specialists when you grow up.

My Triumphant Return

2005-11-04T08:48:00.000-08:00

After several months of wild anticipation, my regular readers will be happy to know that I will begin updating my blog very regularly again. I've relocated to Madison, WI and started working for bIT360, a technology services and equipment supplier here in town. It feels great to be back home and I look forward to getting the blog up and running. In particular, I will be refuting any nonsensical posts published by one, Justin D. Hein, on his long winded blog, "Citizen Dain". Also, I will prognosticate in only the way I can about the Packers and the Bucks as their respective seasons go along.

2005-06-03T12:32:00.000-07:00

Ben Sheets is back healthy, unfortunately, the Crew is not.

The Brewers....Here We Go Again

2005-06-03T08:05:00.000-07:00

After sprinting out of the gates again this year, it looks like the Brewers are ready for their annual pre-All Star break collapse. In 2 weeks they went from Wildcard contender to only a half game out of 4th in the division. Another season of "turning up the heat" and then spontaneously combusting. Rob Deer, Tiny Felder, Stormin' Gorman, anybody from the 80's.....please come back!

This Is My Blog......

2005-06-03T07:01:00.000-07:00

I have finally broken down and created my own blog. Hopefully this will be a good way for family and friends to know what's happening in my life. As time allows, I will post pictures of various outings and enlighten the masses with my opinions on various subject matter.